This is hard

I haven't blogged for a week or two and I am so sorry. I am so behind and drowning. It is not fun at all. I'm actually sitting in class listening to a presentation. I should have grades put into grade book. I don't homework I have lots and lots and lots to do. I have so much to do that there is no more space to write in my planner. My room is clean my basement is not so it looks like I'm going to my room. Ok so now I'm home. I have the TV on and the house is all to myself. I am blogging to keep from having to do homework. I know the second I open that planner panic attack will set in. I'm having a slight one just thinking about it. I don't know if I had told you this but one of my students left and went to a different school. Mom thought I had to high of expectations for him. Well today I found out that mom is threatening to pull him out of his new school and he has already been suspended. Last week was his first week. boy do I feel like a good teacher. Ok I guess it is time for me to face my issues and get to work. I hope I get somewhere....

It's only Monday... :(

Today I was ready to quit! In fact I texted Parker and told him that I do. He wouldn't let me though and I had to stick out the rest of the day. After one student was gone it was a bit more smooth sailing. She was suspended for hitting me. I have officially decided that I am going to SAT her for behavior. This is a constant thing that happens every week and now they are becoming more aggressive. It's a major mood swing. The class wont even be in trouble and all of the sudden she is getting mad and huffing and puffing about who knows what. My students don't get it I say sit down they roam the room, I say stop talking they talk louder. I need 18 different corners to put these guys in. It is impossible to teach anything! It took us 50 min to get through a writing lesson that should have only taken 30. I decided half way through the lesson that I wasn't going to pay attention to those who were causing me to stop every few seconds and called the students up to the floor that are always listening and wanting to learn. The rest sat in their desk as we whispered in the front. Although one girl who was the biggest issue during Writing decided to throw a temper tantrum and slam her desk I never looked at her and it quickly stopped! I have the worse head-ache right now and i don't think it will go away. They say that the first year of teaching is the hardest for classroom management. I don't think that is my issue. I have many special teachers saying this class was horrible last year. I was so angry today I didn't even eat my lunch. I came home though and after dinner Parker took me out. We went and looked at rings it was a fun time and I figured out that I want a yellow diamond in my ring! I now need to get working on my homework for class tomorrow. Oh man... only Monday and only September.... I don't know what to say....

5 steps forward 20 steps back!

Today was awful! 12 of my 18 students were sent home with the school pledge and class rules to write. Some had to write it 10 times each! Reading stations were horrible, We didn't even do Math stations because I just knew they wouldn't be able to handle it. We then went to lunch and when we came back they had their head down so that I could write all my morning notes home to parents. I then only taught social studies to 8 kids because the rest were writing the school pledge and class rules and every time I heard them talking they had another one added. By the end of the day I had 12 students in tears and to tell you the truth I did not feel sorry for any of them they decided today that they could disrespect me and not listen. They proved to me yesterday that they knew the rules and could follow them. My ears hurt tonight, we have got to be getting a storm. I really tried to ask myself if I was approaching today with a negative attitude since we didn't have a special. But they were even really noisy in the hall when we were going to the bathroom. I didn't write any names down which was my first mistake. I had a girl have two accidents today and she had to go to the bathroom three times this afternoon. We are supposed to get through four subjects this afternoon and we barely got through one. Lets hope tomorrow we don't back track more we go forward again. If we back track some more I think I will have to take listening to reading stations away. People will probably condemn me as a teacher and say that I am hurting my students, if I had good classroom management than I could actually do this. If you have something you don't think I have tried yet then throw it at me! My own mentor is baffled with ideas to try with the kids. Also all the special teachers and the Kindergarten para said that this group cannot be let up on one second. When you ask the students the expectations for the class they know what they are and can tell you, but seconds later they are not following them.

Tomorrow I will try the jar of warm fuzzies when the fill the jar with warm fuzzies than we can do a big classroom hug. I truly believe though that the only thing that got me through today was remembering yesterday...

Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character.
Johann Kasper Lavater

Pinch Me I Must Be Dreaming!

Today was an amazing day I couldn't believe it. We started rotations in Reading and I thought it was going to be disasterous. They actually did really well. It wasn't until the end of the third rotation which was our last rotation that they started talking and not working the way they were supposed to. But hey today I will take it. We also started the rotations in Math, those didn't go quite as smooth as I thought they would but it's Ok. I don't have enough materials for all my stations I think once I finally have it all figured out things will be awesome. There will be enough different things for my small class so they will have a lot stay nice and fresh for them. We went outside and played all but 4 kids got to play. We are making major improvements. We went back in used hand sanitizer and guess what! We were early to lunch I cannot believe it! I picked them up from lunch and we went to the bathroom and we were early for P.E. class. My kids were amazing today. I had the hardest time picking star student. One of my students who always has a rough day had an awesome day. He was sitting at his desk facing forward and hands folded. I pointed it out to all the other students how I like how he was sitting and then all the other students started looking at him and made sure they were doing it too. After we took a restroom break we got to have a huge group hug. It had to be silent because we were in the hall. It was great I almost fell over they squeezed me so hard. My students are starting to adapt to the rules and follow the procedures and I'm so excited because now, we can do fun stuff.

The day was over but not for me... I had to go to class and let me tell you panic attack is setting in I have a five page paper due it two weeks lots of reading for this class. New Assessment I have to try every week. I don't feel like I truly know what is going on in either grad class I'm in. It is kind of a rough semester I think. Its so hard to keep everything organize and have enough time to fit everything in. I do not know how I'm going to be able to do that and still have some time for free time. I will just have to keep plugging away and hopefully I will figure it all out. Wish me luck!

The ability to concentrate and to use your time well is everything if you want to succeed in business--or almost anywhere else for that matter.
Lee Iacocca

Woohoo! Three day weekend

Ok so we had Saturday, Sunday and Monday off from school because of Labor day. Awesome Three day weekend right??? I will get all caught up on my homework get things organized for the classroom and finally write some real lesson plans. Friday night is my night of freedom, Parker loves football he used to coach a high school team but this year he is just scouting. I will go watch some games but not all. This Friday though Samantha his foster sister who has multiple disabilities is on a cheerleading squad for her high school called sparkle cheerleading. We went and watched her cheer for the 20 minutes they were out there. Parker who left work early Thursday didn't go Friday still wasn't feeling good. We only made it across the street when he had to rush to the bathroom. He finally had told me just before that what had been hurting him. I called my sister-in law who is a doctor and asked her if he can wait and go Tuesday or if he needs to go now. She said now so when he got back to the car (by the way he drove) I told him to go to the emergicare he went well they couldn't do anything for him and we ended up in the emergency room at 8:30 pm.  We were in the emergency room until 3:00 when they finally got him a room in the hospital. I however spent from 11-3 sleeping on two metal chairs that I had pushed together to make a bed. We got to his room fell back asleep. I woke up at 8:30 waited a little bit than headed to my brother and sister-in-law to help take care of Will, 2 1/2 and Alex, 1 week. I was still in the same clothes from Saturday night no toothbrush no nothing. I left there finally at 4:00. I went home took a shower finally brushed my teeth ate some dinner and went back to the hospital where I sat was going to attempt some work but there were a lot of visitors to see Parker so that didn't happen. I left there again finally at midnight. At 7:00 AM Sunday I got a call from Parker saying he was going to surgery at 7:30 I figured I wouldn't make it there in time to catch him before he was asleep so I slept a little longer myself. I got up to the hospital by 8:30. He wasn't back yet but his mom was there. I ended up spending a lot of time talking to her. She left at about 11:30 to go get Parker's pain killers and I decided to let Parker rest and prepare to go home. So I went and ate some lunch and got one long assignment done in an hour. We finally left the hospital at 2:30. I got him home and situated with his parents. I finally got home again but we were having a family night so that meant still no work was done! As John Christine Will and Alex were about to leave, my dad and john saw two sheriff cars and heard a house alarm. I live in a very peaceful neighborhood since we have lived here in 1992 I think we have had about maybe 10 break-ins and that's being generous. We never found out what that was. We did hear another siren in our neighborhood like 20 minutes later but never saw the sheriff's car.  Finally we are to Monday I have my list all made out of what I was going to do today. Well Jim and LeDawna  were going to go swimming and asked me to come along I thought that would be a good idea I needed some real fun and I never went swimming this summer. We drove all the way out to Mahoney State Park and didn't get to go swimming because there was a storm which had passed but the people didn't know how to read a radar and claimed they saw lighting when it was white clouds and sun. I took some homework with me but I can't read in the car I get car sick while we were waiting I got a little bit read.We came home I went to Parker's after dinner I felt so defeated by 7:00 I got nothing done. It was horrible.

Today I finally got to school and realized that I had a lot due today and hadn't started what I needed to. Thankfully Courtney my mentor came and saved the day. She got a lot of little things done for me as I worked on the bigger things due today. My students weren't to bad today One of them had a really bad day but she is already a roller coaster ride so it was to be expected. The morning was much better than the afternoon but I don't think that computers helped the afternoon.We all made it through the day alive and I got most things done. I can't wait to do a happy dance the day I get everything done on my list. Wish me luck on that one as we continue this white water raft of a year.

Men's best successes come after their disappointments.
Henry Ward Beecher 

Well...

Ok... so I took some time off from blogging well you just have to deal with it ok. I'm a very busy person right now. In fact I'm so busy I don't know how to finish this sentence. With all thats been going on with school and now class, trying to wrap my brain around everything that I need to do is impossible. Each day I get another 50 things to do. I am constantly calling parents to talk about their child and trying to find new phone numbers. I'm exhausted. I was ready for bed by 9:00. I got some reading done for class but not enough. Tomorrow before I go watch Sammie cheer I have to have to get some homework done. Why did I pick a career that never ends? Now I am tired and cannot focus I must go to bed so I can teach tomorrow... I hope that all my kids are ready to listen. This has been a long week. I don't know if I could really handle 45 min. for just 2 min of silence.



They may forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel.
-- Anonymous

Last Wednesday

Last Wednesday and a busy one at that! I have my Instructional Framework to finish along with reading for Lit Circles. Thankfully my choice projects are all done. I am so excited for this weekend fireworks Friday at Memorial Park and then Saturday at Rosenblatt! I will miss my first two classes a lot, these two classes I think have been very misleading to what I am going to be getting myself into these next 9 months... I love for this to be longer but I can't really concentrate now I am thinking about other things to much so I will write more later when I have a chance to with a clear head and reflecting brain!